As you may have heard, Janette and I gave birth to Bailey Abigail Park on August 16, 2010. She’s healthy and now we are home. The labor and delivery did not go as smoothly as planned.
I wrote an account of the birth about 36 hours after the birth.
Please, if you are queasy about the gory detail,s this post is NOT for you. Please be advised. This is as raw as it can get.
Birth
I was sitting alone outside the Operating Room A at St. Mike’s labor and delivery ward while a team of 10-15 healthcare professionals were hastily preparing for Caesarean section to be performed on Janette. It was perhaps the longest 25 minutes of my life.
Things all started perfectly. While there are so many people in our midst and in the world hoping for pregnancy, we had an easy start to that. The pregnancy was quite easy too, though, I guess you’d have to ask Janette for details on it. I felt great during Janette’s pregnancy. Even the first few hours of our labor was great. Janette and I were jovial in our anticipation for this new life. Even in preparing to leave for the hospital, we were checking off things that seems now to be trivial matters in our life,– like making sure that the cat is fed and the air conditioner was turned off.
We came to the hospital and Janette received oxytocin, drug that induces labor and contraction. Things were going well. By 7 pm Janette was 4 cm dilated, and we were expecting to deliver by 1 or 2 am. The doctors were keeping an eye on how the baby was doing to ensure that there was no infection with Janette’s water being broken the night before. Everything was so picture perfect, that I even left for some food and distraction and to help Janette get a bit of rest before the real pain began.
I came back to the hospital and saw Janette on oxygen mask. I looked at the monitor and the baby’s heart rate graph looked different from before. The doctors came in a few minutes later and explained that the baby’s heart rate was dropping to dangerous levels with each contraction. They were worried about infections too. They watched for another 10 minutes and quickly decided that the baby’s health could be in danger. They decided to do an emergency Caesarean section to get the baby out.
Between that decision and the start of the operation, I was not allowed to go into the operating room. They were doing all of the prep work inside, and I was to wait outside. It’s probably a good thing to keep from an anxious husband and father who has a bad case of curiosity. Waiting 25 minutes outside in a hallway, hearing the baby’s heart rate through the doors was the longest 25 minutes of my life.
It’s funny where your mind goes when it is allowed to rest in the midst of a major life drama like this. My mind began to wander… What is the baby develops issues from this? Is it my fault that this happened? What will happen? How would I react to a C-section? What will I do if the baby dies? What would I say to Janette—how would I be able to console her with the death? What would I do if Janette dies? How will I raise this kid by myself?
What if I’m left in this world with no one? What if I don’t get to say anything to Janette before?
I look back now and realize that these were all irrational. I guess the risks were all there. I knew that they were in good, capable hands. But, mind goes where it wants to go to.
I guess this is where my faith played a huge part. Right, I know that all things happen for a reason, and there is God who is bigger than me. There’s plan and reason for all things. I started praying in my head. I wanted to let him know what I was feeling. I didn’t want to put Janette and the baby before God. It’s hard to explain, if you don’t understand that sentence. I knew that Janette and the baby were both God’s gifts, and I didn’t want to put the gift before the giver of those gifts.
I started thinking about what I had in my mind in the past 10 months about having a family. Things like the first Christmas or the first step. Her first day in school and forcing her to go to space camp. Her first piano recital and her graduation day. Her first boyfriend or the first break up. Her wedding day. All of those thoughts gave me joy and happiness. Anticipating all those good moments filled most of my mind about parenting, and those thoughts kept me going despite my complete utter fear of what it means to be a parent.
It was a good thing for me that the start of our parenthood had a rough start. For the last 10 months I have romanticized about parenthood and the baby. This not only put me back in reality, but it also helped me to realize that I was putting the gift before the giver of gift. I had to be reminded that God is in control of all things, and while I was given the responsibility to raise this child, God loves her more and, ultimately, she is His.
The Caesarean section was painful for Janette. Because of the risk to the baby, they started the operation as soon as they could. The anesthetics were not completely set in Janette’s body, so she could feel all of it. It was painful to her and certainly painful to watch.
The baby came out of Janette. That wasn’t easy either. Apparently the baby was wedged in Janette’s pelvis and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice. That probably caused a bit of suffocation. She came out and took a minute or two to cry. I took a quick glimpse of her and she was white, though I was told that is normal. Both Janette and I were anxious to see her, and when we did, it was good. Janette’s face brightened as she saw her baby for the first time.
I want to introduce Bailey Abigail Park. Her Korean name is, “Jinjoo”. She was born on August 16, 2010 at 10:10 pm. She was 7 pounds and 3 ounces big, and she is healthy. The baby looks exactly like me. She looks Asian, with dark brown hair. Her eyes are puffy so her eyes look small too.
I know there are others who’ve been through much worse than we have. And, in no way do I think “normal” pregnancies are easier. It’s just as traumatic. Perhaps this one was easier than some because Janette and I didn’t have 24-48 hour delivery.
Continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we figure this “parent” thing out and Janette recovers from her surgery. I’m so thankful that we started our parenthood, forced to trust God. I’m so grateful that we were reminded that God, the giver of all things, comes before our kid—something we wanted to strive toward but didn’t know how it looked. We are so grateful for our experience and looking forward to parenthood.
You can see more pictures of Bailey on our gallery:
September 1, 2010, at 1:30 pm 
However, I have been seeing my own sinfulness and shortcomings through the last 16 trying days– how short I can be with her crying with 2 hours of sleep, having a savior complex thinking that I need to do everything, and most of all, trying to show the rest of the world… that I got everything under control. Control… that’s always been my thing. I love being in control– I like to know what I am doing at a specific time at a specific place. I like to control people around me so that they do things the way I want them to. Yeah… babies don’t really go by my control. I’ve met my match. She’s more stubborn than I am.
